The Spider and the Fly

Back in high school, I read this book called Dreamland. The plot is fairly typical of all teen melodramas: a teen girl's sister runs away to be with her "star-crossed lover", and the parents and sister have no idea how to deal. Trying to fill the void left by her big sister, the girl falls for the Bad Boy on campus, beginning to smoke and drink with the guy who is (surprise! plot twist!) a drug dealer and (gasp) abusive. No, it wasn't what I would usually gravitate toward, but, on a deeper level, it pulls me. Why would someone willingly stay in an abusive relationship? Until I started dating Grant, I really didn't understand; there was no possible way that I  would be able to comprehend it.
As stupid and cliche as it seems, most times you don't even realize how abusive and controlling the partner is. It's like a fly trapped in a spider web: at first, you don't see it as a problem; then, when it's too late, you realize that it is a problem. Before you know it, you're wrapped up in the web, slowly being drained. Except, even as you're being drained, you don't see it as a big deal: surely the spider's ok, right? Right?
It wasn't until long after the fact that I realized: I was the stupid, naive, trusting fly.
I am incredibly tired and have a huge Psych paper due in two weeks. Lugging my library books that probably weigh as much as my arms into the Rec Center, I set my stuff down and busily begin to highlight, making notes as I go. As usual, Grant is at one of the furthest pool tables from the door, playing Magic with his friends. Usually, I give him a good morning kiss but today, it seems to be a Herculean effort. I'm busy, he's busy- certainly he knew and understood, right?
In the lull between games, he stands and walks towards me. I get up, meeting him halfway, and he kisses me quickly, as if he's worried that someone will catch us and tattle on us to the teacher.
"You didn't come say good morning." he sounds upsets. I open my mouth to reply, but Maria bounces in, cutting me off.
"Oh, by the way, Cil-Cil, I got you something."
"What?"
"Well, I got two of these lip-plumping lip glosses and Grant said to give you one."
Grant smiles slyly, "Blow job lip gloss. It tingle." I roll my eyes and Maria bounces off to class, while Grant drift back to his Magic game, gone without a word.
"Hey, babe. I'm gonna go get some lunch. You want something?" I ask, a couple of hours later. He shakes his head. A little later, I come back with his favorite cheese pizza, and tap him on the shoulder.
"I said I didn't want anything." he snaps.
Immediatly, I shrink back. "But, it's..."I falter and quickly give up, looking for a place to sit, but all of the chairs around the table were taken. Sullenly, I head back to the table I had abandoned earlier, leaving for class a few minutes later.
Later that afternoon, while he changes in his bathroom, I pull on my tennis shoes. "I'm going for a run, kay, babe?"
"Ok. Good. Go run off some of that pizza you are." he replies, sounding as if he's half-joking. "You know lil' bit, you'd do some good to lose some weight. Not a lot, you know. Just enough to get down to one-twenty or so." he makes an hourglass shape with his hands, "Get that figure."
Angrily, I stalk out, slamming the door behind me. I'd told him, I think as I begin to run, pounding the pavement beneath my shoes, that I'd had issues with food. I told him that I had struggled with anorexia. Surely, I'd told him, he couldn't be that cruel. Maybe it had just slipped his min. By the time that I stop in front of the dorm again, I've regained my cool and convinced myself that I haven't told him and he's spoken out of pure ignorance.